i aint feeling so good today. it's my mom's birthday (and eraidie's, happy birthday man!) so we went out to this place called magic wok. food was alright, but the conversations we got into really pissed me off. guess that's just what happens when you're the only chirstian in the family.
u know how i've been wanting to live out my dreams, and how i wanted to work for em. i mean i've been doing lots of research into it. i got all caught up in my passion that i forget the state i live in. i mean, the welfare of my family is important, and we can barely make ends meet. don't even have a flat to call our own! why in the world should i be dreaming of a music education after secondary school right?
i spoke to my teacher, and that's what he said. he knows my situation well. he advises i take the "rational" route. that is poly la. sure, it's safer and all, but every part of me doesn't want it. the real factor stopping me from what i want to achieve is money. i mean there i go dreaming of a better life when i completely forgot my mom has to work twice as hard to pay for it. now why should i put her through that after all these years of single-mom-parenting? i admire my mom, because she has went through lots for us three (me and my bros), and she is willing to do more for us. i know i cant get another mother like that. gosh now i feel really stupid.
i don't suppose all dreams are meant to come true. 4 years of music education will put a hole in my mom's wallet for life. then when i graduate, what am i gonna work as? a street busker? darn it. darn darn darn it. i dunno, maybe its just a phase people go through when they dream of things and then get snapped back to reality. a long long time ago, i took a personal vow to bring my family out of poverty; they deserve it after all these years. i guess i'll do what i have to, even if it means i lose my dreams.
just really depressed and pissed at this. advice?
3 comments:
a little too personal, doncha think? lol
Chase your dreams mate, but find a way that your mum doesn't have to bear the load, work nights do whatever.
I'm 42 and always dreamed of being a zoo keeper and working for wildlife conservation but like you was advised to take the conservative route and chase the jobs where I could make some money, guess what I made some, not a lot but a good living and guess what else. I'm not happy. I'm now studying to become a zookeeper and about to take on a job that pays 1/3 of what I currently earn. Just wished I did it way back then instead of working 25 years in jobs I had no passion for. You get one shot at life follow your dreams and if you give it a crack and it doesn't work out then at least you don't spend your whole life regretting what may have been.
thanks. that means a lot to me. yeah i don't want to end up asking myself how life would have been if i had followed my dreams.
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