ALL HAIL ADAM LAMBERT!!! hahaha.
Adam Lambert (who is undoubtedly my single most favourite male artist in the world) stole the night during the AMAs (American Music Awards) with his sexy and daring performance of his new single For Your Entertainment (click for a song link :D)
yet, some people ask; Did the gay American Idol runner-up go too far?
In his performance, he grabs crotches, pulls girls across the floor, and kisses a guy. Too much for primetime TV? perhaps. But if Adam were not gay, and he kissed a girl, or grabbed her crotch, no one would've made a big deal. When Madonna and Britney made out it wasn't as big a deal as this one. One guy actually said "no one gets turned on seeing 2 guys kissing on national TV, its actually a turn off." - well hello, would he say that if he saw 2 girls kissing? haha.
when asked if he was going to apologise for his performance that got him banned from Good Morning America, he simply said "no. i'm an entertainer." hats off to him baby.
that aside, Adam's performance was a great one. He could've had better choreography but it was already very suited to the beats, the rhythm and the mood of the song. Vocally Adam is still as powerful as ever, though it doesn't show as much as it does in some of the performances in Americal Idol. I have absolutely nothing to say about his clothes because my jaw dropped in marvel at how HOTTTT he looked. the spike on the left shoulder, the thick guy-liner. omg!
all in all, a 4 star performance for a 5 star song! :D
entertain us he did, with that powerful and lol, raunchy performance. take a look for yourself and create your own opinions. don't let society create them for ya. :)
Sunday, November 29, 2009
standing at a crossroads.
dear blog, i'm stuck with a little dillemna right now. i know it doesn't always happen to me cuz i know what i want, but this time round, i have to pick between 2 very important priorities in life; work, and school...
you see, in order to be able to pay off my 2.5k debts, i have to work at least 29 hours in a week (that's 5 days of work at night) and earn enough to support me throughout the month, as well as slowly pay off these debts. I've been struggling and dragging all these payments for too long already. I ought to just finish them now.
I know i'm only 19 and my focus should not be on working, but i did what i did i.e. made mistakes that cost me bigtime, and now i have to be mature and resolve my mistakes.
the only problem is that, with more time spent at work, i have lesser time to spend on schoolwork. this leads to a catastrophic chain of downward spiraling grades etc etc.... well you know.
so right now i have to choose; do i want to settle my debts sooner, or should i just quit/work less to be able to get my schoolwork done?
what should i do? i know the right thing would be to focus on education blah blah blah. we all know how that goes. but put yourself in my shoes for a sec - having to budget yourself to only 1.30 cents a day and not eating as much as possible to save money each day. its tough. your body doesnt become very healthy either.
lol. im really confused. i kinda feel like quitting my job (which is what i kinda wanna do) but if i do, what's am i gonna do about the money i owe people? hahaha.
well i guess everything happens for a reason. i just have to trust that things will fall into place.
dear blog, wish me luck. lol
you see, in order to be able to pay off my 2.5k debts, i have to work at least 29 hours in a week (that's 5 days of work at night) and earn enough to support me throughout the month, as well as slowly pay off these debts. I've been struggling and dragging all these payments for too long already. I ought to just finish them now.
I know i'm only 19 and my focus should not be on working, but i did what i did i.e. made mistakes that cost me bigtime, and now i have to be mature and resolve my mistakes.
the only problem is that, with more time spent at work, i have lesser time to spend on schoolwork. this leads to a catastrophic chain of downward spiraling grades etc etc.... well you know.
so right now i have to choose; do i want to settle my debts sooner, or should i just quit/work less to be able to get my schoolwork done?
what should i do? i know the right thing would be to focus on education blah blah blah. we all know how that goes. but put yourself in my shoes for a sec - having to budget yourself to only 1.30 cents a day and not eating as much as possible to save money each day. its tough. your body doesnt become very healthy either.
lol. im really confused. i kinda feel like quitting my job (which is what i kinda wanna do) but if i do, what's am i gonna do about the money i owe people? hahaha.
well i guess everything happens for a reason. i just have to trust that things will fall into place.
dear blog, wish me luck. lol
Saturday, November 28, 2009
a new phone and a new discovery!
I didn't expect i'd be going, neither did i expect to get anything from it; but yes, today i went to the IT fair at Singapore Expo. It was ridisculously crowded with people succumbing to their primitive insticts of being vultures and hyenas when they see good bargains and/or cheap prices - especially Singaporeans.
To be honest, i thought i'd be seeing a room full of nerds/geeks and nerds/geeks alone. To some extent i was right, because even the sales personel looked like they spent their whole lives facing the computer screen and not the mirror. lol.
I was wrong however, because amongst the crowd i saw many lookers, some in tank tops, some in tight fitting clothes, some real cuties and some drop dead gorgeous people. Heck, there were even people cruising in the toilet!
And it made me realize something - that my stereotypes of events like these is indeed and absolutely not true. Just because i picture tech-savvy people to be wide-framed-bescpectabled, pimple-flooded, and bad-oral hygiene people; doesn't make it true. It just made me rethink my stereotypes of the industry.
And come on, lets face it. In this century, our lives cannot exist without the IT people. In many ways it made me appreciate the people that go into making our lives more convenient and borderless.
Our shopping list for the day - A lenovo laptop for Huckle, an iPod nano for my mommy, and a 5 mega-pixel LG phone for me. I know what you're thinking - "omg, LG phone? SUCKS LOR!"
but alas, the only reason i need a phone is to be able to call, sms, maybe surf the net and most importantly, to take good shots. And this phone seems to do it well. plus, it's PINK! .......... ish. Lol.
Although I had to depart with the phone that has been serving me very well for the past 10 months or so, i had something to gain in the end. All things DO workout afterall. At least now I dont have an excuse NOT TO take pics and flood this blog with em. haha
and in conclusion, i'm glad that i am in a stage of my life where i am seeing past literally almost every stereotype i have and learn to execpt the fact that all of us are human beings, unique and special in ways we ourselves cannot contemplate. Not just in the IT industry, but in every situation, and in every case. Labelling people does not help you understand or "categorise" them.
perhaps its about time you moved on from your stereotypes too?
cheers, aj
To be honest, i thought i'd be seeing a room full of nerds/geeks and nerds/geeks alone. To some extent i was right, because even the sales personel looked like they spent their whole lives facing the computer screen and not the mirror. lol.
I was wrong however, because amongst the crowd i saw many lookers, some in tank tops, some in tight fitting clothes, some real cuties and some drop dead gorgeous people. Heck, there were even people cruising in the toilet!
And it made me realize something - that my stereotypes of events like these is indeed and absolutely not true. Just because i picture tech-savvy people to be wide-framed-bescpectabled, pimple-flooded, and bad-oral hygiene people; doesn't make it true. It just made me rethink my stereotypes of the industry.
And come on, lets face it. In this century, our lives cannot exist without the IT people. In many ways it made me appreciate the people that go into making our lives more convenient and borderless.
Our shopping list for the day - A lenovo laptop for Huckle, an iPod nano for my mommy, and a 5 mega-pixel LG phone for me. I know what you're thinking - "omg, LG phone? SUCKS LOR!"
but alas, the only reason i need a phone is to be able to call, sms, maybe surf the net and most importantly, to take good shots. And this phone seems to do it well. plus, it's PINK! .......... ish. Lol.
Although I had to depart with the phone that has been serving me very well for the past 10 months or so, i had something to gain in the end. All things DO workout afterall. At least now I dont have an excuse NOT TO take pics and flood this blog with em. haha
and in conclusion, i'm glad that i am in a stage of my life where i am seeing past literally almost every stereotype i have and learn to execpt the fact that all of us are human beings, unique and special in ways we ourselves cannot contemplate. Not just in the IT industry, but in every situation, and in every case. Labelling people does not help you understand or "categorise" them.
perhaps its about time you moved on from your stereotypes too?
cheers, aj
Friday, November 13, 2009
goodbye social life!
as much as i love the way i live my social life, what with all the ppl i meet and stuff i do, sometimes life just does not allow you to have everything go your way. Simply put, circumstances in our lives force us to make decisions - decisions based on importance. Inevitably I must chose what's right and be mature about what decision i make. It's about time anyway.
unfortunately, i never took this job to spend on myself. i work to satisfy others and clear my name, if you know what i mean. haha. so for the next 6 months or so, i'll have to say goodbye to my social life to make more time for work/school and save the cash from the vigorous spenditure of my socialising. haha
still hope i can get that guitar next month though! I mean i gotta keep something for myself too right? lol
sorry buddies, i wont be able to hang as much for a while... :(
yea.
unfortunately, i never took this job to spend on myself. i work to satisfy others and clear my name, if you know what i mean. haha. so for the next 6 months or so, i'll have to say goodbye to my social life to make more time for work/school and save the cash from the vigorous spenditure of my socialising. haha
still hope i can get that guitar next month though! I mean i gotta keep something for myself too right? lol
sorry buddies, i wont be able to hang as much for a while... :(
yea.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Equality Before Equal Rights.
The other day I was thinking. I asked myself why until now I got no bf - i came up with a million reasons but that's not the point.
There is so much fuss these days, about equal rights in the homosexual community. In Singapore though, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, although us GAY people are starting to step out into society more and more openly.
I once questioned if one of my life's purpose is to fight for equality FOR the gay people in this country. Why though, would I want to do that? Is it cuz of the fame? the chance to live MY life freely? the attention I could create? Or just because I feel strongly about it?
Then i remembered fighting for LGBT rights is fighting FOR the LGBT people. And its here that i hit my wall. "Why seh, should i fight for them?" - i asked myself. When I took myself out of the picture and just looked, i saw that us homosexuals dont even see ourselves as equals, let alone to have others see us as equals in society. I don't know why, but many many gay guys I know are as shallow as the puddle that forms after the rain next to the lonkang, along the roadside. They judge each other's looks, gender, mannerism, physicality, RACE, and such. People are just physical objects and no longer human beings that have emotions thoughts.
I talk to my gay friends and this is exactly the criteria they judge their potential life/sex partners to be. So in many ways, we discrimnate each other first in purely physical ways that the straight world has been able to somewhat overcome (or so it seems).
I thought that of all the people, gay people would be the ones not to judge other people and accept them for who they are. Turns out, its the other way around. Its kinda ironic, but we have ourselves have become a society of judgemental and discriminating people. The very thing gay people around the world are fighting AGAINST.
Now I am not resistant to this society. I myself have been judgemental and discriminating people. But for once, I can take myself out of the picture and see what it is I am doing. A huge slap on my face. Somehow I feel and wonder, that if i did not behave like this, I would not fit into this society - something I kinda dread.
All these made me realize, that if there is any society that needs to have its mindset changed, its the gay people themselves. Why would the world accept a society of people that judge themselves yet seek not to be judged by others outside the society? Wouldn't that be hipocracy? Human nature I guess, but we are beings that have choices - we chose what we want to believe in and what we want to accept. Because of that, there is no doubt that we can look past the physical and accept people for who they really are; chubby,slim, open, passive, chinese, indian, malay or otherwise.
maybe someday I'll see these things not to be true, and have a broader picture - at least i hope I will.
p.s. all these references are taken in a local context, i have yet to experience the culture of international gay societies.
cheers.
aj
There is so much fuss these days, about equal rights in the homosexual community. In Singapore though, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, although us GAY people are starting to step out into society more and more openly.
I once questioned if one of my life's purpose is to fight for equality FOR the gay people in this country. Why though, would I want to do that? Is it cuz of the fame? the chance to live MY life freely? the attention I could create? Or just because I feel strongly about it?
Then i remembered fighting for LGBT rights is fighting FOR the LGBT people. And its here that i hit my wall. "Why seh, should i fight for them?" - i asked myself. When I took myself out of the picture and just looked, i saw that us homosexuals dont even see ourselves as equals, let alone to have others see us as equals in society. I don't know why, but many many gay guys I know are as shallow as the puddle that forms after the rain next to the lonkang, along the roadside. They judge each other's looks, gender, mannerism, physicality, RACE, and such. People are just physical objects and no longer human beings that have emotions thoughts.
I talk to my gay friends and this is exactly the criteria they judge their potential life/sex partners to be. So in many ways, we discrimnate each other first in purely physical ways that the straight world has been able to somewhat overcome (or so it seems).
I thought that of all the people, gay people would be the ones not to judge other people and accept them for who they are. Turns out, its the other way around. Its kinda ironic, but we have ourselves have become a society of judgemental and discriminating people. The very thing gay people around the world are fighting AGAINST.
Now I am not resistant to this society. I myself have been judgemental and discriminating people. But for once, I can take myself out of the picture and see what it is I am doing. A huge slap on my face. Somehow I feel and wonder, that if i did not behave like this, I would not fit into this society - something I kinda dread.
All these made me realize, that if there is any society that needs to have its mindset changed, its the gay people themselves. Why would the world accept a society of people that judge themselves yet seek not to be judged by others outside the society? Wouldn't that be hipocracy? Human nature I guess, but we are beings that have choices - we chose what we want to believe in and what we want to accept. Because of that, there is no doubt that we can look past the physical and accept people for who they really are; chubby,slim, open, passive, chinese, indian, malay or otherwise.
maybe someday I'll see these things not to be true, and have a broader picture - at least i hope I will.
p.s. all these references are taken in a local context, i have yet to experience the culture of international gay societies.
cheers.
aj
Monday, October 19, 2009
Running After Money.
It's my 6th day of work already, so that means I've been working 6 days out of the possible 7 in a week. Wow. Anyways today - or maybe I should say yesterday, considering it's past 12 am - was supposed to be my off day. But yesterday my supervisor requested i work today as well. Even after denying the idea initially and explaining to him that I had school the following day, he still was persistent. He said this one thing to psycho me "can la... earn a little bit more money only lor," so there you have it. I went to work today so that an extra 15 bucks or so could be added to my wallet. -.-
Nonetheless, it was an interesting experience. I don't think many new guys get to be a food runner in their first week, like I was today. My name was not on the initial list, so the supervisor just added me under the 'food runner collumn'. It's not as easy as it seems okay! There are so many items on the menu and i kept on having to ask the chefs what it was I was serving. This one chef probably got irritated and then chose not to reply me. He pointed to receipt instead, which stated the short form of the food I was carrying. Ok la, at least now I know how to identify the food I serve now.
My one screw-up today was how i held the hot plate. Apparently you're supposed to hold it with your forearm below the wooden platform and ur palm supporting it, with the side where there is no sauce facing you. I held it with my fingers at the sides... lol. The plate was damn hot can? I knew it would be hot, BUT MAN that was FLAME GRILLING HOTNESS! I burnt my fingers carrying out to the customer lol. Furthermore, the sauce was splattering all around (because it's poured onto the hot plate and it starts sizzling) and i got minor burns on my forearms as well. Lol. My supervisor caught me and after a short discussion with the other supervisor, he brought me back into the kitchen and taught me how to hold it.
I told myself to remain motivated in this job and keep on doing my best even though I may be new and suck at lots of things - that's exactly what I did today. I managed to get past the initial blurness and then picked up my pace to match the rest of my co-workers. A buddy of mine helped me by teaching what I should do and how. I wanted a waiter's job, so now I huess I have to deal with whatever shit I may get from doing this.
My first waitering job and despite all the setbacks, I'm still lovin' what I do! :D
Nonetheless, it was an interesting experience. I don't think many new guys get to be a food runner in their first week, like I was today. My name was not on the initial list, so the supervisor just added me under the 'food runner collumn'. It's not as easy as it seems okay! There are so many items on the menu and i kept on having to ask the chefs what it was I was serving. This one chef probably got irritated and then chose not to reply me. He pointed to receipt instead, which stated the short form of the food I was carrying. Ok la, at least now I know how to identify the food I serve now.
My one screw-up today was how i held the hot plate. Apparently you're supposed to hold it with your forearm below the wooden platform and ur palm supporting it, with the side where there is no sauce facing you. I held it with my fingers at the sides... lol. The plate was damn hot can? I knew it would be hot, BUT MAN that was FLAME GRILLING HOTNESS! I burnt my fingers carrying out to the customer lol. Furthermore, the sauce was splattering all around (because it's poured onto the hot plate and it starts sizzling) and i got minor burns on my forearms as well. Lol. My supervisor caught me and after a short discussion with the other supervisor, he brought me back into the kitchen and taught me how to hold it.
I told myself to remain motivated in this job and keep on doing my best even though I may be new and suck at lots of things - that's exactly what I did today. I managed to get past the initial blurness and then picked up my pace to match the rest of my co-workers. A buddy of mine helped me by teaching what I should do and how. I wanted a waiter's job, so now I huess I have to deal with whatever shit I may get from doing this.
My first waitering job and despite all the setbacks, I'm still lovin' what I do! :D
Sunday, October 11, 2009
To my bearbear.
That's right. This post is for you. You seem so adamant on letting the entire world know about us in your blog, I didn't think you'd mind me having this one post to tell everyone that reads this blog (there are not many so no worries).
I have been waiting my whole life for someone to fill that emptiness I've always felt. To be honest, I thought you'd fill that void. When James first introduced you to me, he pm-ed me seperately from our conference and told me;
"aj. don't let this one slip away."
"why?"
"well you wanted a bf. this could be your chance."
You said you started smiling again after you met me, I could see in those beautiful eyes how much you wanted me. You made me smile again after a long time too, but that smile was in no way strong enough to overcome what I felt in my heart - it told me you were not the one.
I liked you more the more i met you, but never in the way you liked me. In fact, when I was away from you, I felt the most at peace - all that told me exactly what my heart really wanted (or did not want).
I dreaded the day I would not want you to be my boyfriend, but it came eventually. Like I told you that night we met, I cannot force myself to like someone when I don't.
After countless times of getting my own heart broken, I never imagined I'd be the one to break someone elses' heart. At least I did it graciously and did not walk away without closure. Sad thing is you didn't really seem to appreciate that. You dont know how much hurt and sadness I felt to tell you what I did. I ate myself up because of it. Maybe Matthew, Marr and Kelvin would know, but you dont.
I know its easy for you to think I dont care, that I'm the bad guy, that I mistreated you. I hope you see otherwise soon. The first time I saw you I saw your eyes; I peeked into your soul and I knew how innocent and tender you truly were. Characteristics that were not meant for me I guess.
Alas, I don't want this post to be all emo and sappy (because im starting to tear already -.-). Remember how on our first meeting we went up to that block and played with each other at the stairs? I never did that before. We kept saying "stop it," when we both knew we wanted it hahaha. That was fun.
Remember how I felt so guilty for being late when I met you on our second date and I brought you chocolates? I never gave anyone chocolates before, so count yourself honored. Holding your hand in the movies the entire time was the most secure feeling I've ever felt. I don't think you knew that. ;)
Remember how we sat in front of cathay and just talked until i missed the train to meet kelvin? I enjoyed that night, really. Was the most romantic thing I've done in a long time.
And i hope its all these that you will remember from me, and not those bad things you've built up in your head. I know what I will remember.
You're the sweetest guy I've known till date, and I am not just saying that. So here's to you paul. I hope to see you smile again someday and have those beautiful eyes of yours brightened once again.
Have a good life.
aj.
I have been waiting my whole life for someone to fill that emptiness I've always felt. To be honest, I thought you'd fill that void. When James first introduced you to me, he pm-ed me seperately from our conference and told me;
"aj. don't let this one slip away."
"why?"
"well you wanted a bf. this could be your chance."
You said you started smiling again after you met me, I could see in those beautiful eyes how much you wanted me. You made me smile again after a long time too, but that smile was in no way strong enough to overcome what I felt in my heart - it told me you were not the one.
I liked you more the more i met you, but never in the way you liked me. In fact, when I was away from you, I felt the most at peace - all that told me exactly what my heart really wanted (or did not want).
I dreaded the day I would not want you to be my boyfriend, but it came eventually. Like I told you that night we met, I cannot force myself to like someone when I don't.
After countless times of getting my own heart broken, I never imagined I'd be the one to break someone elses' heart. At least I did it graciously and did not walk away without closure. Sad thing is you didn't really seem to appreciate that. You dont know how much hurt and sadness I felt to tell you what I did. I ate myself up because of it. Maybe Matthew, Marr and Kelvin would know, but you dont.
I know its easy for you to think I dont care, that I'm the bad guy, that I mistreated you. I hope you see otherwise soon. The first time I saw you I saw your eyes; I peeked into your soul and I knew how innocent and tender you truly were. Characteristics that were not meant for me I guess.
Alas, I don't want this post to be all emo and sappy (because im starting to tear already -.-). Remember how on our first meeting we went up to that block and played with each other at the stairs? I never did that before. We kept saying "stop it," when we both knew we wanted it hahaha. That was fun.
Remember how I felt so guilty for being late when I met you on our second date and I brought you chocolates? I never gave anyone chocolates before, so count yourself honored. Holding your hand in the movies the entire time was the most secure feeling I've ever felt. I don't think you knew that. ;)
Remember how we sat in front of cathay and just talked until i missed the train to meet kelvin? I enjoyed that night, really. Was the most romantic thing I've done in a long time.
And i hope its all these that you will remember from me, and not those bad things you've built up in your head. I know what I will remember.
You're the sweetest guy I've known till date, and I am not just saying that. So here's to you paul. I hope to see you smile again someday and have those beautiful eyes of yours brightened once again.
Have a good life.
aj.
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