We ended up brisk walking to the MRT in an attempt to ditch someone and meet her at the station. The two of them started cracking jokes and poking each other. I laughed and laughed until in the corner of my eye i saw someone; someone vaguely familiar. My brain instinctively screamed his name in my head but i chose not believe it at first. So he walked past the pillar, a blind spot in my line of sight. And there, together with what seemed to be a friend was him. It was really him afterall. I would recognise that face anywhere. Even if my eyes had failed me at that moment i would've still recognised him.
One of the reasons i picked SP was because i could study network marketing. I also knew the poly the most, out of the 5 polys. But however, one other reason was the subconcious knowledge that a certain someone went to that school as well. I knew i would see him eventually, i just didnt think it'd be in that situation or this early in the year. Yes, thats right. I saw Whye Chiz today.
He walked past me without even stealing a glance in my direction - perhaps it was because my friends had me well hid behind their bodies, or perhaps i just had slipped too far in the shadow of his eyes that even if i stood right in front of him he would see right through me. He looked incredibly different, but not the different i wanted to see. He did not look as hunky as i thought he'd always turn out to be, and neither did he improve his sense of stlye and/or personal grooming. Sure he was decent looking and all, but an oversized T-shirt, berms that go 3/4 down his legs, the same old bag and slippers were always his style. At least that didn't change about him. It seemed like his face was scarred by pimples, but that may have just been my imagination, because i pray his beautiful face has not been scarred in any way.
I started to think after he left, and i was on my way to work. It was incredible seeing him today, even though he didnt see me. I haven't seen him in over 2 years. Yet, for some strange reason, i dont feel the same way i used to feel back then. Sure, i still loved him, but not like what i used to before. I smiled, assuring myself that i really had moved on.
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i know i was being a bit dramatic up there but hey u gotta forgive a dude when he hasn't seen the only man he loves in 2 years. No he doesn't know im gay and no i didn't go up and say hi because i feared his reaction. I am not sure i can live with the idea of him still not having forgiven me after all this time, and let it ruin my years in poly. I miss him oh so much but i also dont wanna ruin it all over again. God answered my prayers today when he let me see him again, a prayer i've long since been asking for. I can only pray now that the good Lord lets me talk talk to him again.
You know they say you never forget a first love. As much as i dont want to agree, the statement is true, at least in my case it is. I still love the dude, but not like back then when i was totally nuts and obsessed about him. Besides, he's not as hot as he once was :P
Lol, this must be a bit wierd to people reading this and all, so my apologies. Lemme be cuckoo in this one post okay? XD Dang! im gonna start crying soon lol
"If I know what love is, it is because of you."
--Herman Hesse
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