So another chapter in my life unfolds. I cannot say i am too excited about it. The universe has a certain tendency to pile up problems on me at once. It gets very frustrating at times. But of course, i am not here to complain about that.
Being a poly student kinda changes lots of things. The principal said that (and i think i can agree) wearing our own clothes is a significant change because it means we are no longer in a regulated environment and that we are free to do as we choose, as adults do. Now, i don't know how much freedom adults have, but i believe that in poly we really are free people who must take responsibility for ourselves. That kinda scares me a little. I suddenly feel very small in a huge world that has seemed to unleash itself upon me. Oh how insignificant it makes me feel.
Back in FTPSS, i had to bust my ass off studying in order to get the 12 points i finally happened to get. Yet here, in the DBA class i am in, everyone has 12 points - and the worst part is they really dont feel it was much to them at all! Some even shared with me that they were slacking all the way to prelims and then ended up with 12 points. Like what? Apparently i'm just surrounded by geniuses. One ofthe lecturers keeps saying "you all are smart people!" and that "SP's Business school has the brightests students!"
I guess at the end of the day, i just feel pissed off that all that hard work i put in last year seemed to have no special outcome. I guess i was just used to being different, now i'm not. I blend in with all the mega-geniuses i have in my course and may even be the underdog.
one more thing. How am i supposed to be openly gay in poly? it seems like everyone around me is making homophobic-jokes and spreading homophobic ideas around. I cant imagine how they would react to me coming out to them, if i ever do lol.
Man i guess thats the 'adult' world for ya. I just dont seem to be myself lately. The universe has probably effectively broken me down till im all tender and fragile. I guess i just need time to build myself up again, after being torn down like that.
So if u see me around, do encourage me a little bit ya? We all need a human touch once in a while. =)
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