"I've been good, how about you?"
"Oh I've been good too!"
When you meet people you haven't seen in a while, this is probably how the conversation starts. I'm no exception either, this is exactly what I say to everyone. It's very normal and everyone does it, but there's one problem; I'm lying when I say "I'm good"
Chances are, you probably know exactly what I mean by saying that. But what's the problem with that lie right? I mean, we lie all the time. Though I refuse to comment on whether or not lying is right in the first place (mainly because I can't answer that myself!) what I will say is that the problem with doing that is you programme yourself to respond in such, telling your brain "its okay to lie about how I'm really doing"
Now, it was not too long ago that I learnt how much being vulnerable is important to building relationships with people. And part of being vulnerable is about being honest about things that aren't always so good.
I've been doing for a long time and I realized how much that was harmful to me. I realize it was because I did not want people to see my weaknesses, to see my troubles and failures, to see my vulnerability. Most of the people in my life seek advice, comfort and positivity so I chose not to share the bad stuff in my life because I believed I have to put on a strong front for these people who look up to me; to be strong for everyone else. The result of that was that I responded in this way to everyone in my life and I could not talk about my shortcomings and the things that truly troubled me.
Sure enough, I bottled all these thoughts up till it led into a spiraling depression. It's amazing, when you think about it; how the smallest things we do in our everyday lives have such a profound impact on our being in the long run. I suppose that's why awareness is important to a healthy mind.
A part of me really feels bad that I always speak to her about the bad stuff in my life, but after speaking to a friend of mine who happens to be a counsellor, I sort of realized how damaging my habits have been and how lonely I have become, despite having so many people around me. Though I believe we have to seek inwards to find the solutions to our problems, I now realize we cannot do it alone.
These days I've tried to speak to almost everyone and be honest about how I'm doing. This is how my conversations go;
"Hey! How have you been?"
"Pretty good, what about you?"
"Meh, I'm alright. Could be better I guess."
"Pretty good, what about you?"
"Meh, I'm alright. Could be better I guess."
The result has been amazing - so much encouragement and advice from people in my lives and I feel like people can understand me more. Just today I received a random text from a friend saying "AJ, I'm always here for you and you can always speak to me!"
Of course I exercise discernment and don't go blabbering all my problems to everyone I speak to, (like I had the conversation in the beginning of this post with my grandfather today) but if I treasure this person and want them to be a part of my life, I suck up my ego and be honest.
So if you're anything like me, then I encourage you to put down your mantle of strength and come down from the throne of superiority and walk with the people in your lives with honesty and vulnerability. I'm no expert, but damn it sure seems a lot more sincere and pleasant. At the end of the day we all want to be loved and respected, but if you want people to see how strong you are, then you have to show them how sometimes you're not strong as well.
My views are not absolute and anyone is welcome to disagree with me, but let me know what you think, in the comments!
