last day of april

aite i realise today is the last day of april 2008 so i decided i have to post up something today. perhaps my post today may not be as controversial as my other posts, but at least its something. if i dont post up interesting things no one is gonna read my super-wordy blog lol.

lacking any inspiration whatsoever, i silently sit here on a less than comfortable cyan stool and contemplate on what to blog on tonight. Bits and pieces of melodies reappear within my memory as i pluck the nylon string of my guitar. What can i say, the night gives me the mood to pick up my not-so-forgotten instruments and recall what i had invested so much time and money into.

Indeed, to some extent, i am a muscian; it's all i've ever really wanted to be. Playing the guitar makes me feel nostalgic, where old melodies like 'the star spangeld banner' and 'skip to my lou' leave deep impressions in my mind and bring back some strong emotions. Playing my keyboard makes me feel exhilirated. As i rest my untrained fingers upon the keys, i feel a great sense of commitment and honor that i am learning to play one of the most profound and versatile instruments known to the world. And when i sing, these 5 years of effort and training shows in my somewhat classically attuned vocals. Singing is not just a past time to me, it's my whole life really. when i sing i feel like there is so much more i can do with my voice; that it can be so much more.

Because that's what music, if not anything else, is - an expression of a man's feelings. Music penetrates each heart to a different depth and a different magnitude; u never know how much a piece of music can affect you.

Yet i know chosing a career in music is not a reasonable choice, giving my current financial situation. It's expensive to pursue music people! Sometimes you have to push aside things in your life for the sake of other things; it's called sacrifice. "Life - Dreams = Job" <-- i think that's very appropriate and makes me go "LOL!" It's true to some extent though ^^

well there u go some crap post i managed to come up with in a matter of minutes (thats how i wrote my penguin essay, it just came to me and flowed out on paper). hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed typing it lol. In approx 10 minutes the day ends - i guess all that's left to say is goodbye april 2008!

im out.
AJ

God is real?

It's the start of the exams and i must say, i was kinda surprised at the one-word topic today - "Family." After a bunch of "interviews" of my friends, i realized i wrote something completely different from everyone else. Most people are writing about their families and such; or other families that they see. I didn't even write about humans. Mine's a story of a penguin family. No, they weren't talking penguins, or surfing penguins, or dancing penguins for that matter. It's the real story of the Emperor Penguin's life and i documented it in the essay. I gave the penguins an almost human character; where i describe the penguins feeling worried or sad that they wont survive etc. I marvelled at my essay, cuz i thought it was pretty good. Wonder what i'll be graded for that. Hopefully i didn't go off-topic.

anyways after the exam me kim yong and ri xin headed over to central for lunch. We made a quick stop at popular so i could get my $10 stationery lol. KY and RX decided to go over and look at Naruto comics but i didn't wanna cuz im afraid i might get hooked again if i see something interesting in it. My dwindling attention span led me to find this book and it was called "God Is Not Great". It straight caught my attention (being a religious man and all) and i grabbed it. It's about disproving the existence of God and religion; that it was man-made.

To be honest, a part of me wished what the author said was true. Because if it was, then man would be free to sin. I would be free to sin. Not that i want to sin, but there are some things as a man that i cant resist at times. The only thing keeping me from it is the thought of God. No God means no religious obligations.

But yeah all these time studying the bible didn't go to waste. For the Lord had predicted such things and all the more it strengthens ma faith in the existence of the Lord. If there were no God, we would be free to do as we please. Moral values and kind souls would have no credit because we would have no one to answer to at the end of time. God keeps a balance in things in my opinion. He reminds you that He governs everything and that although man is free to disobey, he is not greater than God. Besides, if there was no God, how would we explain all things? Like the creation of the earth, the emotions of mankind, the EXACT predictions in the bible that are happening today, etc. Sure some may have scientific evidence, like the earth's creation; the big bang as some would call it, where large rocks (asteroids, planets etc) crashed together. But how did those rocks get there in the first place? How did the single atom exist and how was it created?

It's a rather controversial issue, but one is free to scrutinize the details of this topic and create his own theory on it. Why does man try to disprove God so much? the answer to that is beyond me. Perhaps man does not like the idea of a higher being governing him. Think about it for a sec. Why? For those who would seek to prove God's existence, also ask why. At times the whole science-religion debate can be summarized with the word "WHY?" Why did God create man, Why did single-celled organisms evolve? It's rather lengthy (as is this post! XD) but its worth a thought. I'd ponder over it anyways.

and btw, i dunno why but everyone is shocked at my 'man crushes' post. Makes me roll my eyes really. Come on peeps be more open minded. XD

A beautiful song

When You Believe - Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston


Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could

Chorus:
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

Chorus

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way clear through the rain
A small, but still, resilient voice
Says help is very near

Chorus

---------------

This song is very personal to me and the lyrics mean a great deal to me also. I decided i'd post it up here so that it might inspire at least one person out there. The mind is a great tool - all you have to do is to believe

THERE CAN BE MIRACLES WHEN YOU BELIEVE

lyrics taken from www.absolutelyrics.com
Absolute Lyrics

man crushes

Sometimes i think i am too OLD to have crushes. But then again i start to reconsider. I'm only 17, but there are people that are like 30 or so that i can have crushes on. Then that makes me too YOUNG for crushes. I know anyone and everyone can have crushes, but what really matters is the extent of the crush. Most will believe they are in 'love' somewhere in amidst their crush. YEAH RIGHT ! there is a fine line in between love and a crush people!

anyways, it's not uncommon for 'same-sex' crushes to occur. i.e. a dude likes a dude and a dudette likes a dudette. Often for straight people its just plain admiration in disguise. Read a newspaper article about it, and you'd be suprised at how many guys think they have a crush on their favourite soccer player!

but it is different if the person is not fully convinced he/she is straight. but then again, i say, so what? so what a guy likes a guy? Gay so what? Would you stop 2 people from falling in love just cuz they were the same sex? i certainly wouldn't! Love is blind, as they say. I'm sure it looks past the gender barrier.

anyways, i have had a fair share of crushes on guys myself. it's something not many people know about me, so that's something new for all of you who think you know me lol. I am pretty convinced i am having one now. An older guy lol. Some people just stick an impression on you, and he left a darn good one. But today i kinda told him i believed i had a crush on him and he was like 'O.O' - shocked lol. but he was completely open about it and explained to me that i was way to young lol. (i never asked him for a relationship or watever but he told me that lol) Anyways, as with any other crush, u feel kinda bad once rejected. Its like ur number one idol says, "sorry your not famous enough to know me" - something like that. u just feel all beaten up and pissed. sad even.

of course, i know what some of you are thinking right about here. "OMG he's gay! i knew it!" - lol. Keep in mind people it is a harmless crush and it means nothing as to the direction of my sexual orientation. Whether im gay or not is determined by the people i have crushes on -_-
besides, like i've said before, open gays have high self-esteem, and i would be somewhat honored to be one of em. It'd be an interesting journey of both rejection and freedom if u ask me.

see, what you do when you are young really determines how u grow up to be. Whether or not i grow up to be gay it doesn't matter to me; and neither should it to you (for those of you who call urselves my friend) because as moral human beings we should treat each other with the amount of dignity and respect we all deserve, regardless of one's status. It's not like you have a choice that you have a gay friend, or a straight friend.

Ryan would constantly remind me of my religious obligations; because i am 'Father John'. As a christian i uphold my duties towards the Lord and by saying all that i have said above, many would argue that i am going to hell. lol. well before u tell me that, i would like to ask you to give me solid evidence and clear verses of the bible which state that homosexuals are going to hell.

well, i gotta go, speech day's in 8 hours and i have to get some sleep! i'll be dancing tmr so keep a look out for me, those of you who are going lol. :D

Is it right?

I dont know about you guys, but i personally have been noticing a trend of controversial issues in the press, media etc. It's even a hot topic in schools. Maybe it's cuz im directly affected by some of those controversial issues.

Read about the whole discrimintaion on gays? somehow it just seems cruel to me how homosexuals are treated. What would YOU do if your best friend said he/she was gay? Or your older brother who has always been your role model? Would you diss them too? Are you gonna ostracise them and throw heaps of insult at them and mock them each day they wake up and terrorise them? I'm guessing not, because they are people who mean something to you. Likewise gays out there are someone else's brother, best friend, mentor, role model. Sure they may not be that to you, but think for a sec, what if everyone said that about YOUR best friend? Don't forget, we're all human beings too. I sincerely hope the discrimination will stop, because it hurts me to see people get tormented out there plainly cuz of the fact that they are homosexuals. You can't catch homosexuality, so why run from them? Why rid them from your life when they are as useful as any other straight hetrosexual out there?

How would one feel once he or she discovers that they're homo? I know for certain a part of them will feel troubled at the thought of social status. They'd just make more enemies than they already have. Most are forced to hide 'in the closet' and lead otherwise 'straight' lives. Education and the society tells us to be special, to be unique so that our creative minds can be put to good use by the society. How so if one has to hide his/her sexual orientation? Why society is so closed towards gays is beyond me. My personal friends tell me of how they HATE gays and how much they wish they weren't. Sometimes it just pisses me off. It's like saying, "i hate him cuz he's a guy" - makes no sense!

in case you were wondering, this post is not cuz im out here to declare that i've turned gay or anything (though i wish i was so that i had the high self-esteem an open gay has) but plainly cuz i read an article about gay films and documentaries like this one about Gay Muslims being banned here. "Based on justice and equality" - the pledge says. I just felt offended i guess. So what if they are gay?

for all those of you who are gays out there, be proud! you are one of those who are able to be different; willingly or not. the world may shun you, but as long as you dont shun urself, you will make a big difference in your life. stand tall because you are not alone! you most certainly have my support!~

Stuck in a Dillemna.

Okay, during the last day of Adam Khoo's "I Am Gifted So Are You" programme - motivational camp, my trainers told me i had this thing called the 'gift of the gab' - meaning i am good at speaking to people and and helping them by inspiring them etc. I was a little shocked to hear it but in the next second i found myself thinking "hey they're right!" I've been waiting for someone to tell me that for a long time. I often wondered why during the PESA competition i could grab the attention of the whole hall when i spoke, and how come the chhoir only responds when i come up and 'motivate' them. I'm not bragging (high self-esteem XD) but i know i did play a part in those incidences and that they were not just super coincidences.

ok so found out i have this gift. now wat? enhance and fortify! :D plan a career which exploits my talents! :D
question is, what career? my passion was unquestionably singing till i figured this out. as in, now i can question if it really is.
so even before i knew abt this i had planned 2 careers; choral conductor or a teacher (dont laugh lol)
now im considering the mass comm course in poly ><
im really stuck as to which to pick. i cant possibly pick everything -_-
well i guess im gonna spend some time pondering over this. Ryan constantly reminds me of how i cant go JC or MI and he's like so straight in my face "u cant go so dont try!"
he says he's being realistic but sometimes i'd rather he be encouraging then realistic. afterall, O lvl is a mental challenge too.

and yeah im glad my last year classmates support me too. it's so cool that we still talk even after graduation. guys i still miss you - though not as much, cuz i constantly remember the things we use to do. Thankfully i am blessed with a good class this year too and hopefully i do come out of it a student with flying colors.^^

signing off, aj :D

Yvonne this is for you.

Lol this isn't any special post or anything. My good friend yvonne just told me to update, and here i am :D this post is just to catch up on wats been going on.

it's been like, what a month since i blogged? >.> i wont say im that busy, just really more lazy then busy. You know me, same ol' aj! :D

Yvonne commented that i 'am still the same' - meaning i have not changed in character. Indeed i have not, but what's changed is more than just skin deep. It's my mind that has changed really. Maybe it's cuz im growing older and my brain is developing more and so on, but i dont think so. See when i first came back to school i had this bad perception of things. Stuff like its gonna be twice as hard to do well this year, that i'm gonna be really sian this year, my class is a bad class la, etc etc. Then during the month of February something life-changing happened; Adam Khoo and his team came to First Toa Payoh! :D
It was called the 'Motivational Camp' - and at first many were in doubt. Remember kim yong saying, "lets see how they motivate me" lol. Boy were we surprised! It was an AWESOME camp. Though Adam Khoo himself didn't train us, his team mate did - and boy am i glad i got NyNy Tong! XD (Danny Tong) It was a mentally, emotionally and physically demanding camp, but it was so worth it. Kim Yong nearly cried after hearing what i said to my mom on stage T-T

through the camp i could really see my class's potential. Who says this year's 5N batch is not united?! I'm sry 5N of 2007, but they are as or more united as you guys. Since when in FTP has 5N1 and 5N2 came together and call themselves 5N, instead of 5N1,5N2? very impressive (at least to me)

after the camp my whole thinking has been changed. it was worth the 165 dollars really. :)

aj.