Monday, September 14, 2015

The Troubles of Being Twenty (Something)


  
There comes a time in every person’s life when you look back and ask yourself “what the heck am I doing with my life?” Many things prompt this question – being stuck in a routine, increasing financial debt, growing older or even falling sick. Whilst most people aren’t immune to this phenomena, when you’re in your twenties, this question seems to pop up every few years or so.

Landed that job in a field that you had pictured to be much more glamorous than what it really is. Suddenly realize that your relationship of several years doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. That grand plan to make yourself financially free by your mid-twenties isn’t bearing any real fruit. You’re not as energetic as you used to be and you’re starting to become whiny like your parents whom you said you’d never be like. You’re telling people you’re becoming old even though you’re only twenty-seven.

You get the picture. Whilst the specifics and the circumstances of each are different, most of us who are in our twenties seem to go through this phase. It seems that in our twenties we are most likely to hit dead-ends, make huge mistakes and commit ourselves to things we may not necessarily be able to fulfill.
Is there even a meaning to all this? Perhaps there is - metamorphosis. You know, that process where a Caterpie… errr I mean, a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. If you think about it, metamorphosis is kind of scary. The caterpillar’s structure is completely broken down, and it starts to reform itself. The soon to emerge butterfly looks almost nothing like the caterpillar that it was before.

I guess in many ways, being in your twenties is kind of like that process. We start to question many of our ideals and goals. We form new habits and gain new perspectives on life, shift our priorities to things we never imagined we would, all the while not knowing if what we are doing is, for lack of a better term, right. In other words, we are creating that butterfly, and we have almost no idea how it’s going to look like.
Lets be honest, this is a relatively difficult time where we’re sandwiched between the responsibilities of adulthood and the playfulness of youth. 


It also doesn’t help that society exerts all that pressure on us but goes back on forth on that as well. When it chooses to, we’re adults (“you’re old enough now, be responsible for your life”) and at other times, call us kids (“you’re too inexperienced to know what’s good for you”). There is truth to both of these, but for someone who is trying to discover themselves and their place in the world and in society, this can be quite confusing and disorienting. It is no wonder, so many of us end up banging our heads on walls trying to figure out which direction to go.

I’m not a girl/boy, not yet a woman/man, right?

But perhaps, that’s exactly the great thing about being in your twenties. We are not yet so jaded about life and carry a relatively light emotional baggage to that of people who are much older. We still hope and dream, and have the enough (albeit dwindling) vitality to pursue them. Yet at the same time, we are mature enough to see the importance of responsibility, to make rational choices that will likely change our lives, and are capable of holding our own in the world around us. There isn’t any other time in our lives that we get to experience the in-betweens of adulthood and youth like we do when are in our twenties.
Maybe if we looked at it that way, being in our twenties isn’t so bad after all. That’s not to say that it makes this phase of life any easier.

Coming back to that caterpillar analogy. Even a caterpillar knows that it is completely vulnerable when it is going through its metamorphosis. As such, before that happens, it encases itself in a hard cocoon to make it’s protected. Maybe that’s what we ourselves need to do to make sure that we are protected, so that the butterfly inside can emerge unhindered.
What are some of these ways we can protect ourselves then? Some of us use religion. Others logic. Some of us shield ourselves with friends and family, while others isolate themselves from everyone else. To be honest, I feel that all of these ways are brilliant, and should be used to balance each other out. After all, the negativity of the world can be really hard to fend off, and we should have a diverse strategy in handling it. Each of these works differently for each of us, and no one really knows which would be best, other than us. Yet another thing to work out during this phase… As if we didn’t have enough already.

Ultimately, that is the joy of growing up and experiencing life; that we teach ourselves to do it (with a little help from everyone else of course). Along the way, we learn how love and compassion build us up and arrogance and hate tear us down. There probably isn’t any better way to get through it other than rolling up our sleeves and just doing it. At this point in our lives, the world really is in our hands and we choose how we want to shape it.

Perhaps we can all embrace this phase of our life with all its adversity and triumph, without being overly jaded and complacent. At the end of the day, we ought to make it a goal to become brilliant people with all the hopes of our youth and the wisdom and skill of our adulthood.
So here’s to wishing you a great twenty-hood. May you become that brilliant butterfly that is waiting to burst forth.




Sunday, August 19, 2012

Being Strong For Everyone

"Hey! How have you been?"

"I've been good, how about you?"

"Oh I've been good too!"

When you meet people you haven't seen in a while, this is probably how the conversation starts. I'm no exception either, this is exactly what I say to everyone. It's very normal and everyone does it, but there's one problem;  I'm lying when I say "I'm good"

Chances are, you probably know exactly what I mean by saying that. But what's the problem with that lie right? I mean, we lie all the time. Though I refuse to comment on whether or not lying is right in the first place (mainly because I can't answer that myself!) what I will say is that the problem with doing that is you programme yourself to respond in such, telling your brain "its okay to lie about how I'm really doing"

Now, it was not too long ago that I learnt how much being vulnerable is important to building relationships with people. And part of being vulnerable is about being honest about things that aren't always so good.

I've been doing for a long time and I realized how much that was harmful to me. I realize it was because I did not want people to see my weaknesses, to see my troubles and failures, to see my vulnerability. Most of the people in my life seek advice, comfort and positivity so I chose not to share the bad stuff in my life because I believed I have to put on a strong front for these people who look up to me; to be strong for everyone else. The result of that was that I responded in this way to everyone in my life and I could not talk about my shortcomings and the things that truly troubled me.

Sure enough, I bottled all these thoughts up till it led into a spiraling depression. It's amazing, when you think about it; how the smallest things we do in our everyday lives have such a profound impact on our being in the long run. I suppose that's why awareness is important to a healthy mind. 

A part of me really feels bad that I always speak to her about the bad stuff in my life, but after speaking to a friend of mine who happens to be a counsellor, I sort of realized how damaging my habits have been and how lonely I have become, despite having so many people around me. Though I believe we have to seek inwards to find the solutions to our problems, I now realize we cannot do it alone.

These days I've tried to speak to almost everyone and be honest about how I'm doing. This is how my conversations go;

"Hey! How have you been?"

"Pretty good, what about you?"

"Meh, I'm alright. Could be better I guess."

The result has been amazing - so much encouragement and advice from people in my lives and I feel like people can understand me more. Just today I received a random text from a friend saying "AJ, I'm always here for you and you can always speak to me!"

Of course I exercise discernment and don't go blabbering all my problems to everyone I speak to, (like I had the conversation in the beginning of this post with my grandfather today) but if I treasure this person and want them to be a part of my life, I suck up my ego and be honest. 

So if you're anything like me, then I encourage you to put down your mantle of strength and come down from the throne of superiority and walk with the people in your lives with honesty and vulnerability. I'm no expert, but damn it sure seems a lot more sincere and pleasant. At the end of the day we all want to be loved and respected, but if you want people to see how strong you are, then you have to show them how sometimes you're not strong as well. 

My views are not absolute and anyone is welcome to disagree with me, but let me know what you think, in the comments!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Truth About Eggs

With my soon to be high-intensity involvement with health & fitness, i was reading up on dietary suggestions. Of which, eggs are commonplace when one tries to build muscle.

But aren't eggs full of cholesterol and isn't it bad for your health to eat too much eggs?

So i did some research and i discovered that is not the case!

1.It so happens that eggs contain mostly polyunsaturated fat, which can actually lower blood cholesterol if one replaces food containing saturated fat with eggs.

2. Egg whites contain the purest form of protein found in whole-foods. It is so high that nutritionists use them as the standard when comparing other whole-food proteins.

3. One egg in 10,000 is contaminated with salmonella, so you should never eat undercooked eggs, make eggnog on your own or mimic Rocky by swallowing them raw. (lol, Rocky :P)


So now that that's out of the way, let's get cracking at them eggs!

Read the full article: The Truth About Eggs

Monday, February 15, 2010

Destiny?

Was watching Terminator 3: Rise of The Machines just a moment ago. I shall quote the ending - "it never was our destiny to stop judgement day. It was our destiny to survive it."

after the movie I stared hard into the mirror and asked myself; what is destiny?

Destiny
: a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency
: something to which a person or thing is destined

so that's how the dictionary defines it. Sure, it seems logical. But definitions mean nothing unless we see it that way. For it is us that create definitions, who created words to these definitions. We do not live by our own creation.

and as such all of us are capable of shaping our own destinies, because we are not bound by definition. Society itself is not bound by definition. We ought to live in a place where we are free to explore our intellectual, physical and spiritual selves. Where knowledge is prized over materialism. A society of freedom, of equality, of knowledge and of empowerment. If you ask me, religion seems to restrict us of this notion that we are able to shape our own lives - but then again, who am I to talk about religion.

perhaps it is our destiny to challenge destiny, or to create it. Because if we can create what we call destiny, we can also choose not to create it. Does this make even destiny at our disposal? perhaps.

maybe the remarkable thing about being human is that we are capable of controlling our own fate. That it is not decided by any book, teaching, or law. Talk about empowerment.

Still, naivete and youth often go hand in hand. I am not even 20; at least not for the next few months.

And it begs to question again - what is destiny?

Sunday, January 31, 2010

it's all about the music

I didn't expect I'd be doing it, cuz I told myself I'd never club again. Still, the allure of a friend in need was too much for me to deny. Shopping for underwear was wierd enough between to gay guys, but when we went to a spa things just got plain scary. Lol. Still, i cant deny it was fun, and rather exciting to be in such a place.


When we eventually ended up clubbing I'd never have imagined my friend would ditch me to get laid - but yeah, that's how guys in this circle often are. It's a good thing I got introduced to more people, with whom I ended up spending the night. I forgot how fun clubbing was when you're not alone.

I was also pleasantly suprised when someone came up to me and told me "you're a very good dancer! you should get up on stage!" Well I did eventually, and boy there isn't a feeling comparable in this world to that when you're up on stage doing what you love. Rah-rah ra ah ah ah rummah rummah mah aah gaga oo la la - I didn't need booze to get me to the top of the world; the moment I heard that song, I already was.

As I took the bus back I asked myself why I was really out that night. Was it really for this friend, or did I know that I would end up hitting the clubs that I personally told myself not to go to? Though I presume I wouldn't be going again for some time, I remembered why I went in the first place, and what made me go as often as I did before;

It's all about the MUSIC.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

life's constant change.

i know it's something we all dread - to have a part of your life taken away and then completely realtered. You and i know we only fear it because we don't know what's going to happen; and uncertainty is the only thing keeping us from being brave.

my mom told me that being greedy was not going to help me. it's too bad i never fully comprehended that advice, because she was right. When i was greedy to the world, the world was greedy to me as well; it took more from me than i wanted to take from it.

yet the most predictable thing about life is it's unpredictability - how it always changes and moves on, whether you like it or are ready for it or not.

so yet again i've reached a revelation in my life where i'm gonna let this change in my life happen, and just go with the flow of life. afterall, it has never failed me before.

taking a leap into the unknown is well ... scary. but i know i can summon up the courage to do what i need to. :)

aj.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Entertainer

ALL HAIL ADAM LAMBERT!!! hahaha.

Adam Lambert (who is undoubtedly my single most favourite male artist in the world) stole the night during the AMAs (American Music Awards) with his sexy and daring performance of his new single For Your Entertainment (click for a song link :D)

yet, some people ask; Did the gay American Idol runner-up go too far?

In his performance, he grabs crotches, pulls girls across the floor, and kisses a guy. Too much for primetime TV? perhaps. But if Adam were not gay, and he kissed a girl, or grabbed her crotch, no one would've made a big deal. When Madonna and Britney made out it wasn't as big a deal as this one. One guy actually said "no one gets turned on seeing 2 guys kissing on national TV, its actually a turn off." - well hello, would he say that if he saw 2 girls kissing? haha.

when asked if he was going to apologise for his performance that got him banned from Good Morning America, he simply said "no. i'm an entertainer." hats off to him baby.

that aside, Adam's performance was a great one. He could've had better choreography but it was already very suited to the beats, the rhythm and the mood of the song. Vocally Adam is still as powerful as ever, though it doesn't show as much as it does in some of the performances in Americal Idol. I have absolutely nothing to say about his clothes because my jaw dropped in marvel at how HOTTTT he looked. the spike on the left shoulder, the thick guy-liner. omg!
all in all, a 4 star performance for a 5 star song! :D

entertain us he did, with that powerful and lol, raunchy performance. take a look for yourself and create your own opinions. don't let society create them for ya. :)